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amphtaminedreams · 3 years ago

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Spring/Summer & Haute Couture Week 2021: Whoops, I’ve Missed a Loooot (Part 2)

Hey to anyone reading,

I’m so sorry for the gap between the last fashion week review post and this one! Argh. I had no idea I posted it as long ago as the beginning of March but I think we can all agree that lockdown has fucked with our perceptions of time completely. I wish I could say the delay in posting was as simple as me being busy but I’ve also started to reflect on whether or not I want to carry on this format of posts for the time being; on the scale of problems, this one is wayyy down there in the very lower quartile of the first world region, but my motivation to carry on this kind of content in the form of long-winded text posts is...meh...not so much there anymore. At first I was thinking the issue was that working on these was my last priority on my daily to-do lists but as I’ve got back into writing fiction, it’s kind of occurred to me that the fact I was putting these posts on my to-do lists in the first place along with things like doing the ironing and contacting student finance speaks volumes. When I’m back from work or winding down, opening up Tumblr and coming back to this draft isn’t something that I think of as a fun stress reliever in the way drafting stories is. It doesn’t feel like I’m using my imagination or my creativity or expressing myself in any way and it’s not much of an escape from day to day life in the way that writing dialogue or exploring characters is. Maybe it’s because I’ve done quite a few of these posts now but I just tend to feel like I’m repeating myself, you know kinda like when you’re writing an essay and trying to fill up a word count; of course there are collections that I do have a lot of opinions on but by and large, sometimes it boils down to THESE CLOTHES ARE JUST FUCKING PRETTY, OKAY?! There’s only so many things you can say about a tulle skirt or an exaggerated collar before you want to strangle yourself with said tulle. I used to think iF VoGUe RuNwaY wRitErs CaN dO iT WhAT's MY exCusE until I realised that 1). Vogue Runway writers actually get paid and 2). for the most part all they do is explain the designer's intentions behind the collections verbatim without giving a critical opinion anyway.

I think a lot of the pressure I feel to justify what are in reality quite simple observations and opinions goes back to some of the feelings I explained in my first ever fashion week review where people who know more about fashion and have a formal education in the subject tend to be kind of gatekeep-y and elitist. It can never be that you appreciate different things about a collection but rather than one of you has taste and the other doesn’t and if it wasn’t obvious, the taste level assigned to you by the powers that be tend to positively correlate with the amount of money you have available to spend on a degree that has a reputation for failing to provide a steady income, which for most makes it an unrealistic avenue to pursue. I know, I know, the pressure is totally self-inflicted and wholly imagined seeing as I have under 500 followers on here and those who do interact with these posts most likely do so for the pictures but I still feel it, and given that I’m going to have enough external pressure to write essays when I return to uni in September, why on earth am I wasting time putting it on myself? When just posting photosets of my favourite looks is not only actually enjoyable for me but is also what other people WANT to see too? Nobody wants to read a self-indulgent paragraph like this when they’re here for the clothes and to be honest, for the most part I don’t want to write them anyway unless it’s something I have strong feelings about or if a collection can only be properly appreciated with analysis. I think I’ve made pretty clear which designers I’m a fan of, do you really need to hear me raving about Gucci or Zimmerman or Miu Miu or Balenciaga again? Is there gonna be anything revolutionary in yet another rant about Maria Grazia? Course not. I mean, if you are reading, you might have to witness those things one last time because I do intend to finish off this season’s review in this format for consistency purposes and because I’ve already got all the notes now but on the whole, I doubt anyone will miss my rambles.

So, with all that in mind, I think after I finish my S/S21 posts I am gonna start just uploading these posts without the written part. I mean, for one, the simplicity of doing this means I’m much less likely to procrastinate making them which in turn means I’ll be able to get them out right after the shows as a kind of summary as opposed to months later when they’re no longer as relevant. This will also give me more time to work on the writing I actually enjoy. Right now I’m going through and editing my 17 year old self’s “grown-up” take on the Pretty Little Liars blackmail murder mystery style plot line which I wrote back when I was completely and utterly obsessed with the show and bitterly disappointed by the last couple of seasons. The writing is pretty mediocre and often hugely cringey to read back now but I am still a fan of the basic plot and I’m genuinely motivated to see if I can make it something actually worth reading, and to get onto that ASAP; this feels especially important right now given that the HBO version of the series’ apparent upcoming release has sent that ever-present writer’s fear of seeing-your-same-storyline-done-better-by-somebody-else-thus-forever-relegating-your-version-to-being-the-poor-imitation-so-you-gotta-get-there-first into overdrive (or maybe that’s just me and my neuroses). Again, it’s a totally unfounded fear based on the fact that the HBO show will probs get millions of viewers whilst I will be doing little more than shouting into the void but anybody who’s used Turnitin to submit an essay that ultimately counts for little more than like 1% of your grade or degree will know that no matter how irrelevant your work is, the concept of failing a plagiarism check, be it via a computer algorithm or one random stranger on the internet’s assessment, is enough to conjure visions of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse galloping towards you screaming “START THE WHOLE THING AGAIN” before releasing a hoarde of 2015 Chanel vs. Walmart style comparison memes.

Now, speaking of Chanel, I should probably get back into the reviewing.

So for the last time for a little while, here’s Christian Siriano:

Siriano’s designs are a great example of work I feel guilty enjoying. I know that when it comes to quality, the high fashion community have a lot of (negative) things to say and I really can’t speak to that because quite honestly, I know very little about textile manufacturing. Solely from my own point of view though, I do like his work a lot. I wouldn’t claim for a minute that he’s a pioneer in terms of his creations but I would 100% love to wear them and I DO hugely admire his commitment to putting women of all sizes on the runway and designing pieces that don’t simply cater to straight up and down types which is more than can be said for most brands. I get that his collections are pretty formulaic, taking what has worked for the likes of Chanel and Alessandra Rich, De La Renta and Carolina Herrera, Michael Kors too (who is kind of guilty of the same thing himself), but that’s not to say his work is bad. Let’s be real, we’ve been on this planet thousands of years, we’re all taking inspiration from someone, and maybe figures like Kors and Siriano could wait a *little* longer before taking said inspiration but their aim at the end of the day is to sell clothes, not break barriers, a task which although often left to the big name brands, they too often fail at. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling this whimsical mid-century tea party vibe, it’s elegant and it’s cutesy and My Fair Lady-esque, and you bet your arse I would be absolutely thrilled to wear one of these looks on a summer red carpet. I just can’t say no to anything tulle-maybe it’s that I was on Toddlers & Tiaras in a past life or maybe it’s that I watched too many Barbie Princess films growing up, but I like pretty much everything going on here, especially Siriano is giving us matching fedoras too. Plus, can we take a moment to praise Siriano for his COVID relief efforts? Near the beginning of the pandemic, he turned his studio into a mask manufacturing factory in order to send them out as donations, and I think that is very cool.

Then there’s Christopher Kane who once again came through with the most insanely gorgeous prints:

I mean, paint splattering is hardly a new technique but I haven’t seen it done as a print so tastefully before-it eats the Moschino biro scribble print (which apparently was copied too speaking of the tendencies of designers to “borrow” inspiration) for breakfast. It’s shit because there weren’t many looks in this collection and they weren’t really shot in a way that does them any justice but I thought I’d include the few I saved.

Comme Des Garcons is a fave of the high fashion community and one I look forward to seeing at fashion week but can never quite get behind. I appreciate the what-the-fuckery of it all with this show totally being able to pass as a run-through of some kind of nuclear waste themed scare house at one of Thorpe Park’s fright nights. I assume given that and the plastic Mickey Mouse print it’s supposed to be some kind of reference to the part late-stage capitalism has played in the hellish landscape we find ourselves in today? Or something all intellectual? In which case I made my interpretation with farrrr too much confidence. But Anyway! Who knows! I’ll leave the analysis to the fashion students, and give it one word: trippy.

Onto Dion Lee, a brand I truly do get excited to talk about because it’s rare that I don’t LOVE his work.

Without fail, Lee manages to be confidently ahead of the curve without going out of his way to announce it and his genius to everyone with flamboyant shows and exaggerated designs and extortionate prices. He is very much an underdog in the fashion world in terms of big names but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t love his collections. His S/S21 collection is one of my favourites of the bunch. I love seeing something I’ve never seen before and the palm leaf breast plate is so odd but so cool and so perfectly Dion Lee at the same time; we’ve seen jungle/tropical inspired collections sooo many times *cough cough D&G cough cough* and THIS is how you make them fresh and unique. I mean, never in a million years did I think I’d get behind the resurgence of the gladiator sandal trend but Lee has me changing my mind. This is one of the very rare times you will ever see me using this meme to praise a man but:

I mean, he has Fernanda Ly modelling for him, that the man has taste goes without saying.

Now for a bit of a full circle moment, given that I did actually praise Dior’s haute couture collection in my first ever post; Maria Grazia did GOOD. Well, with haute couture at least.

She’s always pretty hamfisted with her references, there’s no denying, with that Grecian Goddess style RTW collection typifying that statement completely, but luckily she struck gold this time round; as someone who studied the Tudors for A-level history, seeing a modern take on the exaggeratedly feminine renaissance silhouettes with the baroque prints and the deep jewell tones got me super excited especially when you throw in the dreamy tarot theming and the nods to the mystical and arcane. Seeing as the Heavenly Bodies Met Gala (I know, I know, I need to move on) was some time ago now and Cersei Lannister’s *SPOILER* been crushed by a rock (could also be seen as a metaphor for the irrelevancy David Benioff and D.B Wise condemned GoT to when they aired that shitty ending tehe) and so probably won’t be getting a collection based on her costumes any time soon, this is the only fashion take on this kind of period dress I’m going to get…and you know what? I’m okay with that. Thanks Maria, I guess?

Her RTW collection wasn’t absolutely awful either, and slightly better than the past few collections at least. Put a monkey in a room with a typewriter (or show it enough similar well-received collections) and it will eventually write something that makes sense, don’t they say? I like the nomadic feel of a lot of the looks and there’s beautiful layering going on but the aura of exotic opulence unsurprisingly didn’t stick around for long and I found that there was a decline in quality in the midsection of the show that landed a lot of the outfits in either awkward mother of the bride at a beach wedding or The Only Way is Essex Ocean Beach PLT sponsored poolside party territory. The looks picked back up a bit towards the end stretch of the show but I wasn’t a fan of the Gucci style oversized glasses which were so out of place with the rest of the theming that if anything they seemed like a cheap grab at relevancy. So yeah, a middling, subpar Etro-esque collection which is better than usual for Dior I suppose.

Next, Elie Saab, whose S/S21 collection was kinda disappointing, tbh. Oh how the turns have tabled given that positive Dior review and my usual love of Saab’s collections.

I know his dresses lose some of their appeal when we can’t see them in motion but even ON the runway I can’t see myself being dazzled by any of these pieces the way I usually am. They’re lacking the level of detail and craftsmanship I associate with the brand seemingly in favour of block colours and suits and the issue is that the whole Disney Princess fantasy has always been the appeal for me because the silhouettes aren’t interesting enough on their own. They’re not ugly pieces, they’re nice, but does nice really have a place in high fashion when the pieces are so basic in both their design and presentation that the shots could pass as ripped from a catalogue? The strongest parts of the collection were when it did go down the more delicate route with the muted blue suits and the white feather trimmed dresses, the small, ornamental gold details reminding me of a very toned down nod to Schiaparelli’s hardware, but with regards to the bright coloured pieces, I can’t lie-they did look like something you could find in the M&S Per Una holiday section. Then you’ve got the weakest parts, which were just flat out ugly: sheer giraffe print, sweat band style elasticated waits, and long chiffon shirts that I hate to admit read as frumpy. There are times where I’ve not been particularly excited by an Elie Saab collection in the past, but I do think this is the first time I’ve actively disliked parts of it.

Conversely, Erdem’s S/S21 collection was super strong, and solidified the brand’s place in my mind as a dependable source of kooky maximalism, this time round giving us Anya Taylor Joy’s Emma wardrobe on speed. You could tell me Erdem Moralıoğlu had just raided the Bridgerton set’s fitting rooms and put it on a runway and I would 100% believe you and I mean that in a positive way because to give my unpopular opinion, the clothes were the only good thing about that show. The endearingly florid details of exaggerated bows and clashing florals were still there but this time in a way that felt more subtle and self-assured, as if the calming influence of the wooded set’d had a direct hand in the designs, giving the rugged, ethereal feel to the collection I associate with brands like Brock and Simone Rocha, all whilst keeping the parts of Erdem I’m so fond of.

Is it really much of a shock that I included pretty much every look from the Etro S/S21 show? Like, you know that Christian idea of God, like, (the voice in my head is very much taking on the dumb valley girl voice that anybody who reads this is most probably getting too) knowing our souls? I think Veronica Etro knows mine. So no, no surprise. Though there were a few unconventional touches thrown into these looks (the campier prints and nautical theming we see with the 80s beach towel print, for example, reminded me a bit of Versace) the mystical bohemian it girl that Etro designs for would still be highly satisfied. Sure, it might be a wardrobe fit for a holiday less adventurous than backpacking but if she wanted a tropical poolside holiday, this collection is the one, the paisley print chiffon mini and maxi dresses especially. I’m just gonna pretend I don’t see the monstrosity that is leggings worn as trousers-it’s a fashion rule I refuse to abandon-because they are the only stain on an otherwise expectedly gorgeous collection.

Next, an unusually reserved RTW collection from Fendi:

More in line with the wardrobe of a European fashion editor than the glamorous trophy wife (who let’s say uses that facade as a guise to ruthlessly run her husband’s whole business empire from behind the scenes because in this house we do complex female characters only), these pieces are lot “smarter” and more professional looking than Fendi’s typical offerings; where I feel Fendi usually designs for the society girl who wouldn’t mind a front page scandal, these are the kind of outfits a young member of Monaco’s royal family would wear for a positively received but business-as-usual press tour. I know, Fendi is an Italian brand, but this is more Southern France to me. We’re talking some 2nd page shots of a Kate Middleton type on a yacht on the Riviera smiling and waving as her PR team’s ideal scenario. Still, whilst fewer exaggerated silhouettes, animal prints and overtly luxurious fabrics (real leathers, silks and furs for example) mean that the drama’s a little toned down, it’s all still very expensive looking and combines the classically feminine glamour of the past and the minimalism of modernity in the artful manner that we’re used to. Maybe it’s me being a basic bitch but I always love seeing Ashley Graham on the runway too, even if brands to tend to use her as their single token plus size model.

Kim Jones’ debut haute couture collection for Fendi, however, wasn’t a very well received one. I don’t hate it personally but I can see where the criticisms are coming from. Whilst it’s closer to the version of Fendi I’ve come to expect and there were some stunning pieces which completely encapsulated that distinctive aura of luxe and glamour, there were quite a few lazy pieces which could’ve been from any designer. I also felt the collection was a bit upstaged by what seemed to be a who’s who of the modelling world; having Bella, Cara, Kate and Naomi ALL walk in one show was a bit distracting and took the focus off the clothes completely.

Giambattista Valli’s RTW collection was gorgeous as ever; the man has undeniably mastered the art of delivering classic, objective elegance, the kind of designs I feel would make you light on your feet and smell like strawberries and cream the minute you put one on. Whilst as a brand his RTW shows are rarely trendsetting, they reliably produce a plethora of unfailingly graceful and demure pieces, as appealing to your mum and your grandma as they are to young women and little girls, and this collection is another victory lap for Valli when it comes to upholding his signature tea party and artisan cupcake making and rose garden strolling and bottomless rosé brunch appropriate aesthetic. There were a lot of outfits that were bordering on overly juvenile, with structures a little too basic to justify the amount of sequins thrown on, but when it’s good, it’s so sweet that regardless of how to formula it is, I can’t help but fall in love.

Valli’s haute couture collection was stunning too and for sure a more exciting offering than the RTW. There was of course a lot of the signature tulle but it was head-turning, over the top in a way that leant far more towards the experimental than I expected. The photos themselves are 100% believable as a some kind of Vogue behind the scenes editorial shoot on the set of live action Disney princess movie (in between takes of the climactic ball scene if you wanna get specific with the vision); if you are looking for a prettier alternative to the primary colours and disruptive shapes of a Molly Goddard collection, this is the one. It’s giving the themes of excess and abundance I associate with that of the Hunger Games Capitol but through the softer lens of a Sofia Coppola movie, and being the typical cinema loving white girl I am, I’m obviously on board with that vibe.

I did SUCH a 180 on Givency’s S/S21 collection from when I first saw it to writing a review. My initial reaction was one of disappointment, I guess simply because Givenchy has given us so many bold pieces and presentations over the last few years whereas this is more low-key. After properly considering it though as I would any other brand, I came to the conclusion that I do actually really like it. It’s still got the strange, androgynous silhouettes popping up throughout and the futuristic space-age details but with a more down-to-earth, streetwear feel, albeit a very slick, glossy spin on the trends of the rabble (that’s us guys) of course before we go believing it’s achievable. On the one hand, the devil horn accents are a touch Claire’s accessories halloween range but at the same time, done with confidence they’re kind of cool and bring something new and fun to the table in line with the dark theatre of Givenchy’s last few shows.

Now for Gucci, which for the first time I have to say, if I'm attempting objectivity, is not a standout.

Like, can I just start by saying though the format it’s presented in is cute, it’s not ideal as a way of actually showing the collection. I get that the vintage shop bin vibe is a huge part of Gucci’s brand but polaroids make it SO hard to actually see the clothes, and that’s what we’re here for right? I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t like what I see here-the clothes are gorgeous, an idyllic ode to the off-duty wardrobes of Studio 54-ers, bohemian style icons like Charlotte Rampling and young Olivia Newton-John, psychedelic rock guitarists and the inhabitants of San Fransisco’s Haight during the late 60s and early 70s, Alessandro Michele’s favourite period of reference. I can’t pretend otherwise, or act like I wouldn’t want to wear the shit out of this collection. Buut, for Gucci? It’s a little underwhelming. These are the kind of filler looks we get in a typical Gucci show to go alongside the more statement pieces, which this collection is lacking. It’s just that these are designs which usually gets people talking and these pieces don’t do that. It sucks because for most other brands this would be a stand out collection, an immersive, luscious vignette of what people tend to think of as a cultural golden era, but when you’ve had a show that involved models carrying replicas of their own decapitated heads down the runway in the last 5 years, of course something more toned down like this is gonna generate a lot of “is that it?”s.

I owe Hermes an apology. Looking back, I have disliked all their previous collections for the same reason that I now really like this one; maybe it’s in part down to the frustration of still having to whack out the winter coat on occasion in May (fuck British weather and climate change), but suddenly I really appreciate the value of some good quality, versatile outerwear. Hermes is giving us that in spades here and for that, I bow down to them. The pieces on offer are clearly well-made and genuinely practical, and through the minimalist approach manage to retain both an air of timeless sophistication whilst also being youthful and on trend. The leather tactical vest co-ord I can easily see edged up and taking centre stage on one of those insane Seoul street style slow-mo TikToks that were big a couple of months ago and there are several pieces that could tie together a grunge influenced k-style look just as well as they could exist for years on end as the wardrobe staple of a high-powered businesswoman. Designer Nadège Vanhee-Cybulski’s strengths really come through with the simpler looks and it’s the patterned pieces that drag down an otherwise flawless collection; I guess because the aesthetic is very minimalist, the patterns can’t be anything overly decorative but unfortunately this has a bit of a dowdy effect when you pair it with such modest silhouettes. Disregarding those elements of the collection though, it was super good.

It goes without saying that Iris Van Herpen’s haute couture collection was breathtaking; if the fashion community can agree on anything, it’s that this woman’s work is consistently awe-inspiring. She captures the wonder of the universe, the biological structures and kaleidoscopic colours we don’t even register, through fashion in a way that others can only imitate, to mesmerising, truly transcendent effect; I can only assume Van Herpen has mother nature whispering into her ear because how the hell else do you explain her ability to take the kind of microscopic organisms they show you images of in an outdated GCSE science powerpoint and make a dress that resembles one so stunning? Care to explain, Iris? Because if there is some kind of line of communication between the two of you can you please tell the bitch I’m over this weather and that I have cute summer outfits I’m waiting to wear so can she pack this torrential rain shit in? K, thanks xoxo

See it seems shady as fuck to go from IVH to Isabel Marant like this because we are talking 2 designers with totallyyyy different approaches to fashion; Iris Van Herpen is haute couture for starters whereas Marant is commercial, and that’s her thing, but unfair comparisons aside this collection is still a bit of a let down. This is considering I do usually really like Isabel Marant collections based on whether or not I’d wear the pieces, which seems a more appropriate barometer to use to come to a quality verdict. Whilst there were a few of the elegant bohemian pieces my mind goes to when it comes to her brand, the steps outside of that comfort zone didn’t pay off; graffiti print (can be cool if done with some subtlety which apart from a few exceptions was not the case here), cheap looking reflective fabric, and MC Hammer style dungarees, it seems to be an attempt to merge 80s trends with modern urban culture, and an attempt that at times verged on the disastrous. It’s good for a brand to experiment, of course, and appeal to a wider client base than usual, but when it’s bad the unfortunate take away is that the design team don’t have the chops to pull off straying from familiar territory; designers wouldn’t be showing at fashion week if this was truly the case because disregarding the influence of nepotism, fashion is an area you need real talent, perseverance and business smarts to excel in, and so it doesn’t do a team justice when they do fail.

J.W Anderson, on the other hand, really put his best foot forward this season and presented this work in a really cool way too which only added to the positives; whilst the way the shots were edited was funky af, it didn’t detract from the actual outfits, and if we are to see the same limitations when it comes to the F/W collections being released, this is something a lot of designers and editing teams should take note of. The idiosyncratic exaggerated shapes that we see as a recurring feature of Anderon’s collections were still on show but this time round with added femininity, billowing skirts and trailing jewellery that channel the stage looks of Stevie Nicks in a way that’s modern and functional and maybe even fit for the office if you were to work in a more creative industry with a chill boss. Could also work for a coven of witches who practice meditation by bonfires in the moonlight and burn the letters of men who wronged them in some Arizonian desert, so like I said, functional! Who doesn’t like versatility? The only thing I’m not too keen on is the shoes but they’re not so bad that it affects my opinion of the collection and they look comfy I guess.

Lastly, we’ve got to talk about Jacquemus, one of the most influential names in fashion at the moment. And yes, this time round, I’m doing it: I’m buying into the hype.

This collection is gorgeousss! I can see already that a lot of the recurring elements of the show are going to be big summer trends for this year (the cut outs and strappy details on the blouses are everywhere already) even though it isn’t hot enough to have collectively decided the time to start dressing for heat is upon us yet, and that’s always a good indicator of how successful the designer was in their vision and attempts to assess the needs and wants of fashion enthusiasts; whether I’m as big a fan of his work as everyone else seems to be, there’s no denying Simon Porte Jacquemus has always excelled at this practice if the buzz around him is anything to go by. It makes sense given the last year of us all being stuck in and suppressed that a lot of us are already romanticising the summer ahead, anticipating picnics and beach days and general Theresa May running through wheat fields type shenanigans galore, in spite of how dubious an assumption it is to make that British weather will allow for this; Porte Jacquemus has very much catered to this wishful thinking and the popularity of the whole escapist “cottage core” aesthetic, sexing it up a little bit with pieces that hug the body in ways only Mugler knows how whilst being lightweight and relaxed enough to look good with windswept, sandy hair and a little dose of sunburn. I’m talking enough to give you some cutesy freckles and rosy cheeks not PSA on the importance of suncream territory, guys, what is it with those of us on the gen Z/millennial cusp not taking sun damage seriously!? Why do I have to beg so many of my friends to wear it!? Does nobody else remember those photos they’d show you in PSHE in English primary schools of burnt people’s skin under UV lights? Or is that just me being weird and only having such a vivid memory of the images because teachers told us we had to wait until year 6 to see them due they to their “graphic” nature only for my gore-loving self to be extremely underwhelmed when we finally did get that lesson? They showed us a woman giving birth in year 4 for fuck’s sake. THAT was traumatising.

Back to the actual point anyway, with just a couple of negatives, the first of which being that the pieces are very similar to those feminine looks we saw dotted about the Jacquemus menswear collection from last year that were all over fashion Twitter. In Simon Porte Jacquemus’ defence though, it makes sense that those tones and silhouettes would be revisited in a full womenswear collection for that very reason; considering they went down so well and that lockdown gave us a bit of a half-baked summer in 2020, expanding on those elements enough for a whole new collection makes good business sense. We did get some cool additions too, mainly in the form of accessories, with the hardware details on the belts similar to those included in the Givenchy collection and the abstract hair slides being standouts for me. It was all exquisite-the shoes, the jewellery, the styling, everything 10/10. My other nitpick, and I say nitpick not because it’s not important but because it’s an issue that’s hardly restricted to Jacquemus (this casting team are far from the worst offenders, Saint Laurent I’m looking at you), is that I WISH we’d see more diversity with the models. Despite what my body dysmorphia yells at me, I am small, and yet seeing all those fucking minuscule waists made me die a little inside; it’s crazy to me that in 2020 the lack of variety in body types on the runway is still such a problem.

I must have said this a million times but I don’t want to end on a negative note so let me reiterate: this collection was STUN. NING. Plus there were some others I’ve talked about in this post that I’m sure will make it into my top 20 in the final part, Jacquemus, Dion Lee and Etro for sure; we even got some gorgeous pieces from Maria Grazia which I thought was a sentence I’d never type out. Have I said enough to not leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who read to the end of this post? I hope so, lol! TBH, it’s impressive given everything that’s going on that the majority of designers did roll out collections in September as usual so serious respect to them and their design teams for that.

In the next post, I’ll fingers crossed be able to include everything from Kim Shui (exciting!) through to at least Off-White (actually pretty good this time?!) and make this whole thing a 4 parter before getting straight on top of the photo posts I’m thinking about doing for the time being for the F/W21 shows. So as usual, if you did read to the end thank you so much and I respect the perseverance you must have to get through all my rambling, lmao. Hope everyone is well and coping okay and again, my inbox is always open for any post suggestions, constructive criticism, or just a chat for anyone who needs a listening ear.

Big love and thank you again!

Lauren x

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darkobssessions · 4 years ago

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Do I need help or is this part of what makes me unique?

People often underestimate the meaning of the word ‘extra.’ Those that know me are on a spectrum of context for my too muchness. My family compartmentalises what I do and who I am according to level of societal appropriateness. Some things are entirely invisible to them. They dismiss and deny what is too shocking. They criticize and call out what they believe to be in their power to change. They praise and embrace acceptable hobbies and talents. But they do not see a full picture of me. The students I teach my life’s work to get to engage with a passionate, seemingly all-knowing entity that dabbles in nearly everything, and is well versed to the minutiary detail on incredibly deep and nuanced subjects. But the obsessions are contextualised, the passion is infectious, and the personal relationships have some limits, mostly due to circumstance, not really so if it were entirely up to me. Friends and acquaintances are least likely, unfortunately, to see the full dazzling spectrum. Perhaps when I was younger, I was full on in everything that I did and this came across as too sensitive or too much to close friends, of which there were few. These days, the too much is seen in a million miles a minute rattled out live videos on subjects of interest. I am seen as a pioneer and trailblazer, a dot connector. That I do not have close friends that know the ins and outs of my personality, the challenges, limits, the passionate drive, the obsessive tendencies is a testament to how difficult it is to be fully yourself in each and every circumstance. Those close friends I do have, know me for my quirks, and are quirky themselves, But I feel there is a limit. Perhaps it is self-imposed. But it is there. My definition and experience of extra goes way above and beyond anything that anybody in my life could imagine, I feel. Thus is the nature of neurodiversity, perhaps, or personality aerobics or a vast inner world, or maybe being obsessive. I have never been more sure than today that all the experiences of my life can currently be summed up under being wired differently. My extra is not the extra that gets people positions, wins people over, charms, manipulates or gains critical acclaim. My extra is private, contextualized, and also in the process of embracing itself. Because I have always been this way. And in mapping it out, in coming out with it, I allow myself the acceptance of what always was, and space opened up to work with it more effectively. My too sensitive, too much, too passionate and extra is not the extra that most would reference. Mostly it lives inside my head and my experience. From the outside it may not seem like much, but most underestimate or overlook it, and it can exponentially add to the challenges of any environment or task. It needs to be accommodated, of this now I am sure, because it is not going to change. And rigid environments only exacerbate it. To sketch it out I will use this example. Perhaps there are those that have an online shopping addiction. A bit of an issue. Perhaps it’s not about the shopping; I am a dot connector after all experienced enough to know it is not often about the thing itself. It is something ABOUT it, or some need it fulfills. Perhaps they max out their cards, shop in any moment they can, or do so knowing they already have enough of that item. This is an extreme, in and of itself. So instead, maybe those with just a mild problem. Turning to shopping to emotionally regulate, or because it is predictable while life is not, or just because they enjoy it. Telling my family about the fact that I spend hours on a thirfting app only seems to compute through the lens of the above spectrum. What if I told you I was not actually shopping? This level of extra is difficult to express and contextualise. I’m not spending untold amounts of money and checking out every five minutes. I almost wish I were. In my time on this app, I do what I do best, with all things. I am categorising. I am liking items, and organising them in my folders. I am curating, choosing favourites and building up collections. I am researching. Looking into the market and what is popular, with an eye for what I am drawn to. I am amassing information about brands, and sizing charts. ‘This woman listing this has hips like mine, this swimsuit is true to size.’ ‘This brand has a collection with straps and this other one with metallics.’ I am building a portfolio. I am categorising in the end because I want to select a few, I do checkout and I do buy some. But I have realised that is not, and never was, the main aim. I am observing myself with awe and some fear, as, like a computing machine, I go through these listings, compartmentalise, cross reference and take notes. I seem to overcomplicate everything I engage with, seeing the patterns in all things. I simplify complex things, and make entire mountain ridges from holes in the ground. My inability to make decisions in the past was somewhat masked. I left the task to others, nevermind that my life turned into a powerless sham. I was shielded from responsibility and living by my family in a dangerous society that I only got to sample years after university. I hoarded and collected items and favourites, but put them out of sight and out of mind. I only began to experience the incredible weight in my subconscious of my programming when pushed to try new things. Traveling, for instance, put me into contact with my incredible attachment to my items. I spent years clearing through my things giving many away, making clear categories with my items, in the hopes that traveling or anything really would finally be easier or make more sense. What is left makes more sense now, certainly, but it is more complex. It’s streamlined, but it is multilayered. The days of paying for overweight suitcases, having to dump things in an airport, or crying at 4 am before a flight because I still can’t get everything to fit, are over. That hurdle is past. But through those experiences, I came into contact with my incredibly systemising mind. My attention to detail was used against me through my attachments. That is why the attachments had to be whittled down. The attention to detail in and of itself is an incredible talent, but paired with the attachments brought indecisiveness. I wanted to learn more about this inability to decide, so I studied my habits in more detail. And what I found with regards to online shopping, and indeed everything I put my hands on, is that I am studying things. Analysing them. I am researching and amassing a wealth of knowledge. I take that information and I sort it, I filter it, I vet it, I quality control it. Ultimately, I create collections. I have curated favourites and high quality items. Could I help doing that? Mostly no. I can see it consciously now as mostly an unconscious process. So when someone asks me about hobbies, or wonders about my extra, I don’t know where to start. Should I mention the sleek categories on my online shops, would they think ‘shopping addiction’? Would I bother to follow up with an explanation that I do it to research, categorise and curate? Does that even make sense and who even does that? One of my special interests for you today.

Reflection on what this means: https://darkobssessions.tumblr.com/post/643556752077488128/re-shopping-process-research-categorisation

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abramsbetty-blog · 4 years ago

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Have you seen ELIZABETH “BETTY” ABRAMS around Hawthorne? She is a 35 year-old and has lived in SUIT 624 for TWO YEARS. She is an AQUARIUS, so they can be QUIRKY & OUTGOING, but also PESSIMISTIC & IMPULSIVE. Rumor has it, she SET HER CHILDHOOD HOME ON FIRE AND CLAIMED IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

AND AGAIN....hello, everyone!! i’m bucky, i’m 21, i go by she/her pronouns, and i live in the est timezone! i’m bringing you a second character aka mess of a woman, betty! i have a stats page for her located right HERE, a pinterest board so you can get a feel for her vibe right HERE, and a cute little social media page right HERE.

if you would like to plot with her, please feel free to message me or simply reply to this post!!! or you can hit me up on discord. my username is airy and cheesy#1149.

RUNDOWN OF BETTY’S BACKSTORY:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: fire, animal death, hoarding, and mental illness.

Born in Norway but grew up in Minnesota.

Her life has been uncomfortable from the start, her father leaving her mother when Betty was ten. Betty’s mother was emotionally abusive, mostly because of her struggles with hoarding. She always had a hard time letting things go and it impacted all of her relationships.

Betty also has attachment issues like her mother. Her suite in Hawthorne Tower is an absolute mess, resembling her mother’s condition. Though she’s in denial about that.

Was always fascinated with art and fire as a child. She always carried around a lighter with her and would often start papers on fire when she was bored. She also almost always had burns on her fingers, accompanied with paint smears and marker.

Loves balloons, her suite is decorated with various colored balloons that she replaces when they begin to deflate.

Was in a girl band growing up called “Meet Me Behind the Mall” where she was the lead singer and guitar player.

Was fairly popular in school. People liked her and she was kind of a slut, for lack of a better term. She got around, basically.

Bad anger issues. One of the main reason she was so popular was because people didn’t mess with her. She often started fights and she was always the one to finish them.

One day, her mother’s abuse got the best of her and Betty ended up setting her home on fire while her mother was at church. It was an act of impulse that Betty still regrets, as most of her things from her childhood are gone. But a part of her was still satisfied to see her mother’s mess become consumed in flames.

At the time, she was seventeen, but did what she could to make the fire seem like an accident. A neighbor’s beloved cat passed due to the fire because she was in the yard, which earned newfound guilt to spread through Betty. Because of this, she has her own cat named James, to make up for her guilt.

Betty eventually cut ties with her mother after many attempts to help her mentally and moved to Florida. She went to art school here before dropping out to pursue freelance art.

Her art has mixed reviews from critics. Some love her work and some hate it.

She’s lived in Hawthorne Tower for about two years now and doesn’t let anyone inside her suite, mostly because of her own hoarding and obsessive tendencies. She fears becoming like her toxic mother but is in denial about obtaining some of her most prominent attributes.

RANDOM HEADCANONS.

Loves balloons and they’re often featured in her art.

Betty loves all things color. Using lots of color makes her feel at ease. If you ever see her painting or drawing with dull colors it’s because she’s in a bad place.

Was briefly engaged to a stranger she met when she first arrived to Miami. Her name was Jodie and she was a much older woman but Betty claimed it was love. Oh, and she was also married.

Collects stickers and colored pencils. Way too much of them. They’re all stored in her suite and piled high.

Her art is very interesting and abstract. Betty enjoys drawing creepy faces, balloons, collage imagery, and more. She draws what she feels and it’s not always well received.

Still loves Norway and visits there often. She owns a tiny little trailer there that she goes to when she feels suffocated by her own space.

She still plays guitar and writes songs but has since broken contact with her old band members.

Has a YouTube channel where she posts covers and videos of her drawing and painting. It’s not very popular but she gets a good amount of views for her liking.

#hawthorneooc #about.

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rotten-games · 6 years ago

Note

Do you think you can make a list of all the ROs and short, non-spoilery descriptions (physical and/or personality) of them for a reference?

Sure! I’ll be posting names, race, age, genders,sexual/romantic orientations and a general description of them. I have to notethat if this seems like a lot of ROs then that’s because this is a very longgame and not all characters are able to be pursued if you ally with certain factions (Some factions are actively violent towards one another.). Tomake up for this, I needed to add more love interests in early development.

Are you going to meet them before the first half of the game? Yes. So there will be time to form a rapport with them if you so choose.

Spotter: Human, 20, agender, pansexual. They are a very shortyoung person with a spark in their bright green eyes. With a latent, andstrong, ability in magic, they love to study and practice and don’t seem tohave the ability to give up. That being said, they become attached easily tothose who show them kindness, even if it only occurred one time. Their gingerhair is always shaggy, their ever-dirty clothing always shabby, and even then,that doesn’t seem to get them down. Some might call them naive. They’d probablybe right.

Severa: Half-elf, 27, female, bisexual, female preference.Severa is a short woman who mostly passes for human. She is dark-skinnedlittered with scars and has a strong harsh accent that only seems to make hermore intimidating. She scorns those who abuse their power, but knows a gooddeal when she gets it, and yet despite her hardened exterior and bawdy attitudeshe seems to hold a great rapport with soldiers of all kinds. She drinksregularly and without restraint and is always getting into scuffles.

Herron: Human, 25, male, bisexual. Herron is your reclusivedoctor who has an odd obsession with raising the dead. He is relatively averagein height for a human, perhaps a bit taller, but his gaunt and dead-lookingskin that might have previously been a vibrant sepia only makes him looksmaller than he actually is. For the most part, Herron is calm, collected, butviciously passionate, sometimes even going so far as to stay awake days at atime just to test a new theory or hypothesis. Above all, however, he is acaring individual who perhaps is a little grumpy sometimes but ultimately wantswhat is best for those he cares about.

Qora: Half-elf, 29, female, Demisexual, Homoromantic. Qora isstandoffish and suspicious, more at home in the forest with all the wildlifethan in a bustling city. She is relatively average for a half-elf, with bronzeskin and equally as bronze hair cut short into a messy mop. She has an eyepatchover the left side of her face and strong arms that have no problem punching orshooting a bow. Above all, she appears to favour her animal companion, whichboth serves as a second pair of eyes in a fight, and a lifelong friend.

Ardwen: High Elf, 58, male, pansexual. Ardwen is a poet bytrade, constantly plucking at his strings or singing a ditty about one of hismany exploits. A flirtatious man by nature, he seems to think that a prettyface is a good substitute for any kind of personality. Regardless, he seems tohave a prejudice against nobles and human clergymen, which he refuses toexplain. He is tall and wiry with overlong ears and a gap in his front teeththat he never quite grew into. Neither of these supposed blemishes seem to stophim from gaining partners of all races.

Keller: Human, 31, female, asexual, panromantic. Hailing fromthe nomadic Atmari people residing deep in the dragon-infested Waylands, Kellergrew up into a vastly different culture than the ones most are accustomed to.She is strong and proud, but ultimately caring for her people and only wantswhat she perceives to be best for them. She has ebony skin and even darkerhair, with unnaturally green eyes that stand out even in the dark. She is devoutlyreligious, but prefers to worship alone, as it has always been her people’s wayto worship in the dead of night with no one around.

Arke: Human, 23, male, homosexual. Arke was a farmer’s sonbefore he was anything else, cultivating a strong body and simple mind. Thatis, before an event that forced him to migrate. His skin is tanned, almostbronze from years in the sun and he has a burn scar running from his neck andover the left side of his chest and arm. Probably his most extraordinaryfeatures are his golden eyes, which is unnatural at the best of times. A heroand good man at heart, Arke is kind and courteous, but is known to have boutsof anger or severe melancholy that sometimes last for days or weeks at a time.

Ettia: Elf, unknown, transgender female, demisexual,panromantic. Ettia is a quiet young priestess who prefers to let her actionsspeak louder than words. Seemingly in constant meditation, she has a veryspiritual connection to the gods that doesn’t seem entirely one-sided. Reallythough, she must be talking to herself. Perhaps a little bit intense, she isconstantly playing with her kinked silver-blond hair and attempting to tease itup into styles that never seem to fit right.

Gwyn: Elf, unknown, male, bisexual. Gwyn is the twin brotherof Ettia, with the same silver-blond hair cut short against his head and ashenskin that makes him look dead. He is, perhaps, a bit more adventurous than hissister, constantly going off for weeks and months at a time and coming backwith tales of beast slaying and lurid affairs. Despite this, he is also ratherinnocent, not thinking about the consequences of his actions or the largerscheme of things. While not an overt hatred towards the gods, Gwyn thinks talkof the gods is boring and old news, preferring instead to talk of worldlyevents or ancient mortal figures, which he finds hilarious.

Lokeira: Infernal, 20?, transgender male, pansexual. Lokei isan awkward young man more accustomed to stalking the shadows than beingnoticed. He can be standoffish and rather blunt, never mincing words thoughwhether that is purposeful or not is up for debate. He doesn’t understand themeaning of ‘stand still’ and can always be found stretching in odd places andsitting in weird positions that he claims are comfortable. He has troublemoving after extended amounts of exercise but he hates being seen to by doctorsor healers and so, for the most part, he tends to himself. He is rather shortwith long black hair, like all Infernals his ears are long and emotional, hiseyes nothing but small slits of purple. Curled horns sit atop his head,graduating into his deep indigo skin tone littered with scales and scars.

Korrin: half-elf, 31, gender-fluid, pansexual. Quite famousfor their accurate future telling, they are aptly named ‘The Oracle’ by theirfollowers and blasphemous by their enemies. They are tall and spindly, withbags under their unseeing eyes hidden by long brown hair that falls over theirshoulders in ratty tendrils. They can be equal parts terse and kind butultimately, they are understanding and patient. Surprisingly learned in manycrafts, Korrin is not someone who has let their blindness defeat them and isscathing of anyone who would intimate otherwise.

Emil: Human, 20, male, bisexual. Emil is average of heightand pretty much everything else. He has a heavy smattering of freckles all overhis body and dull red hair cut short into a style that tries its best to befashionable. He has an odd obsession with jewels and other such adornments, butrarely wears them himself. Like a dragon, he seems to hoard and covet anythingshiny that isn’t nailed down He has a scar running from his chin to the cornerof his eye, creating a cleft on his top lip that never quite healed properly.Despite his love of items of worth, he isn’t very wealthy and keeps a modesttent with him as he travels. His greatest want in life is to see the world.

Calyssa: Human, 30, female, bisexual. Calyssa is a strongwarrior who is skilled with the lance and a great shot with the bow. Especiallywhen riding on her pegasus. Being naturally antagonistic towards authority,Calyssa can come across as violent and brash, but at the same time sympatheticto those she deems deserving of it. She dislikes nobles for their disrespect ofthe working man, and is naturally untrusting of those dressed finer than asoldier. Aside from that, however, she is companionable to her brethren andsupportive in combat. She is very tall and muscular, with cropped curly brownhair that is a perpetual mess.

Necrolym: Human, 27, male, bisexual, female preference. Necrolymis a cocky young man who comes across as irritable and overly prideful. Likeall young men, he once suffered from thinking he was the god’s gift to all, butseems to have since abandoned such thought. That, and he no longer believes thegods exist at all. His is a muscled man just under the height of average, withshaggy blond hair and tawny skin littered with blemishes and small scars thatare otherwise unnoticeable. He can be quite distant when sober, but get himdrunk and Necrolym is quite the life of the party.

Noxus: Dwarf, 35, female, pansexual. Noxus or Nox is a dwarfwoman with a violent and sadistic nature. She has no qualms killing and can beunpredictable at the best of times, having quite the reputation for being ‘Adeliah’sright hand.’ She can be manipulative and charming in equal measure, but bothseem to be a front for her more vicious tendencies. Like all dwarves, Nox is shortwith wild ashen hair and a thin layer of stubble that she can never be botheredto shave if at all she wants to.

Bexen: half-orc, 37, male, bisexual. Bexen or Bex is a verytall half-orc man who seems to have a look of perpetual disinterest. Nox is hisadopted sister and the two, oddly enough, get along well. For the most part hehas zero impulse control, his curiosity often getting the best of him insituations where it would be unwise to do something brash. That being said, hecan sometimes come across as shy or otherwise timid. As all half-orcs, Bex isgreen-skinned with long teeth jutting up from his bottom row of teeth. He haslong dreadlocks tied up into a tail down his back and a nick on his righteyebrow.

Druvel: infernal, 349, male, pansexual, demiromantic. Druvelis young for Infernal standards, at least, that’s what he’d tell you. He can beflirtatious but sadistic, or otherwise just mean, revelling in watching otherssquirm for his enjoyment and keeping them at arms-length. He has no qualms aboutwhat is ‘proper,’ generally saying whatever comes to mind and teasing thosethat get flustered easily. As an Infernal, Druvel has a long prehensile tailand sharp claws on his hands. His eyes are slitted and a bright yellow, hisskin a dark pink with scales down his back. His hair is black and put in aloose braid, easily wrapped around his shoulders.

#anon ask #rott characters #characters #love interests #potential spoilers #spoilers #rott game #rott development

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catboxrecords · 4 years ago

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Helena Jones Wants You To Steal From The Rich

Helena Jones is an experimental pop & hip hop artist. She writes, produces, and performs literally to the beat of her own drum, and Catbox Records recently interviewed her about her first EP release titled “World Gone Wrong.”

Tell me about your first EP release “World Gone Wrong” and what it’s about?

H: “World Gone Wrong” is a very personal project, but i think it echoes what a lot of people are going through right now. We’re all in this collective trauma in 2020 and nothing makes any sense, and the album asks questions about the limits of human strength and compassion in the face of horror and corruption.

Personally, it’s about mental health and my fights with depression and post-traumatic stress. Almost all of the songs were written pre-pandemic, and they express this idea that, for people who struggle with mental health, the world is a very scary place. We try so hard to see the light in things, but darkness confronts us at any hour, at any time.

So when I sing “Help me, baby / I’m caught in a world gone wrong / can you teach my how to be strong?” it’s somewhat ironic because people with depression and traumatic stress frameworks are already so strong. There’s this sense that we have to be stronger because our demons are so cruel to us.

The first track is almost 3 minutes of a spoken tape recording. Why did you do that?

H: I wanted to introduce the EP in the context it was created in. I wanted people to understand that I’m telling a story, not just releasing some random songs. I’m also obsessed with diaries. They’re so important to me, artistically - I read writers’ diaries, memoirs, I write my own diary, and this was almost a word-for-word lift from my personal diary.

How would you describe your musical style?

H: Unique - haha. I have so many influences, anything that moves me, really, finds its way into my music. But I’d say the style is upbeat and dark with old school hip-hop influences, and the word that keeps coming to my mind is “cinematic.” It’s fun and dark AF. Conflicted? Is that a good way to describe it? It’s important that the music always remains uptempo with a killer beat, while the words are kind of terrifying, but flippant. I don’t take anything too seriously, so even the most “serious” lyrics are a little tongue-in-cheek I guess.

You write, produce, and perform all of your songs. How do you approach writing music and producing beats?

H: Yes! I produce all of the tracks and overlay the vocals when I’m ready. I use instruments made by Teenage Engineering, which is a super unique design company making synthesizers, based in Sweden. I used their OP-Z to create almost all of the music in World Gone Wrong. The workflow is incredibly intuitive for me, and it really limits any tendencies to “overproduce” your music in a DAW (digital audio workstation, like Garageband). I barely used a DAW - just to record vocals really.

Can you explain your mantra “steal from the rich and run?”

H: Yes - this is on “Extinction Heist” which is track 6. It’s not about mugging Jeff Bezos (he probably hasn’t seen a $20 bill since 2002?). It’s about how billionaires should not exist because they hoard insane amounts of money, money that was earned from exploiting hundreds of thousands of people working for minimum wage. It’s more of a flippant comment that suggests the greater violence is robbing people of their livelihoods by making them work and giving them bare minimum, while people (mostly men) at the top are experiencing an unfathomable amount of wealth. I also love bank heist movies and rakish underdog characters. In those movies it’s always a “revenge” heist against a very rich and nasty guy, which I am 100% on board with…

What are your goals for the next year?

H: Wow ok, I was planning goals for 3 months from now and had a difficult time (haha). I’ll be releasing another single in late September and another EP by the end of the 2020. I’d love to get a little more attention on Spotify and from press in the next year, but honestly I want to keep reaching out to people who like my music and make deeper connections with them. I’d rather focus my attention on creating ways to connect and learn and share. If I wanted to see huge numbers, I wouldn’t be making the music I need to make.

Thank you very much Helena! H: Thank you, it’s my pleasure.

Listen to “World Gone Wrong” by Helena Jones on Spotify, Apple Music, and Bandcamp.

“World Gone Wrong” is also available in Instagram Stories and TikTok.

#newmusic #music #musician #newmusicalert #pop #hiphop #experimental

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master-nikoli · 8 years ago

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tagged by: @allihavearevoices

Five Fictional Charectos I most identify with

Ariel (The Little Mermaid)

There's a reason she's my OOC mascot and it isn't just because she's a redhead, when I was a kid EVERYTHING was Ariel, or atleast I tried to make it so (fun fact: In the early days Ariel was actually not a popular princess to be smacked on merchandise, Disney used to put her "in the vault" all the FREAKING time and so whenever there WAS something Ariel related available I would foam at the mouth for it... I still foam at the mouth for Ariel stuff to be honest but atleast I can just walk in Walmart and get practically anything these days) Ariel and I are actually completely opposite and completely the same, because where she only ever wanted to be human, I only ever wanted to be... anything but, especially a mermaid, I know it's a common thing for little girls to want to be mermaids but dude.... I SO wanted to be a mermaid, I would have utter TANTRUMS everytime it came to leaving the neighborhood pool because I just wanted to be in the water, I STILL love being in water even though I'm not a very good swimmer, but past that, Ariel is the oddball of her family who doesn't want to conform to what her dad wants (my mom is actually the same as I am, but she married someone who's very traditional in alot of his thinking and so a very large part of my childhood was spent trying to gnaw my way through his traditionalist ideas- with my mom's help ofcourse) I get so annoyed and protective of Ariel when people say that ~she abandonded everything she loved for a guy she didn't know~ excuse me no did you even WATCH the freaking movie? (Not to mention the TV show?) Ariel was desperate to get away from her father and her strict lifestyle COMPLETELY regardless of Eric, he was just a convenient excuse, and I'm pretty sure anyone who watched the TV series would agree that Eric could have been a TURTLE and she still would have made the deal with Ursula, it was never about wanting to be with Eric- that was a happy bonus- it was about being free, and although I'm not an adventurous person I completely understand that, I'll take any opportunity I can get to stab someone's traditionalist opinions (especially if they're in my family) and kick against it as hard as I possibly can, Ariel doesn't want to be what everyone else wants her to be and I'm SEVERELY lucky that I grew up with a mom who never had any of the same ass-backwards thoughts on what I "should" be that most other people did, I spent most of my young life fighting and biting everyone who tried to shove me into a box that I didn't want to be in and it was EXHAUSTING, if an evil witch had offered ME a three-day out solution to what I thought was freedom when I was sixteen? Yeah I would have taken that deal too, plus Ariel is a hoarder, let's be totally honest, and I identify with that, I, like Ariel, collect things- I have treasure troves and treasure boxes and book shelves that are honestly on the verge of collapse (I mean ALOT of them) and I.. may get extremely OCD about things (because hey, mental disorder, fun right?) For example I have a not-so-minor obsession with boxes, I hate throwing out a good box, I'm like a cat that way, if there's any POSSIBLE conceivable use for it I'll find a way to try to keep it (I really do feel sorry for my poor mother...) I sort of hoard wrapping papper too, Christmas is a nightmare just because THERE'S SO MUCH GOOD WRAPPING PAPPER OH MY GOD and I want to buy like twenty sticks of it, I also collect some really unusual things (well, depending on what you define as "unusual") and I have a very hard time letting go of things because I have this sense of "But what if I need it later?", I also LIVE for music, I may not be able to sing (although I used to try really hard) but music is a HUGE part of my life, and there were actually ALOT of episodes in the series where it's made very, very, clear that music is immensely important to Ariel too, not just because she can sing, but because of everything that music represents to her, I'm also a huge animal lover, let's be totally honest if there was ever a chance that I could sneak a baby orca into my room I would have, I love animals and babies and jewlry and those are all things Ariel has been associated with in the TV series (haha... ahhh that charm bracelet that nearly killed her... yeah that's exactly the kind of bullshit stunt I would pull probably) As much as I LOVE the newer princesses like Elsa and Moana, no one is ever going to replace the spot Ariel has in my heart, I still get overwelmingly excited over everything Ariel

Rukia Kuchiki (Bleach)

Oh my God the love I have for this girl... (even though Tite Kubo screwed her over to the point of no return) Rukia was my gateway into alot of things, cosplay, for example, wich I sadly don't do anymore but wich I still deeply, deeply, deeply love, Rukia is everything I WANT to be, she's beautifull and strong and gracefull and powerfull and I really don't have much in terms of her strengths.... her weaknesses, however, are alot like my own, she has virtually no self-esteem (especially at the beginning of the series) a bad temper, no ability to draw, a love of stuffed animals that literally almost costs her a fight at one point (I would throw my sword down and run into a mountain of plushies too...) an insane love for cute things, especially bunnies (I prefer puppies but still! BUNNIES!!) a general weirdness about her taste in things (she can go from creepy horror manga to adorable kitten plushie in zero seconds flat and so can I) she actually wears the exact same style of sundresses that I've been known to wear- especially when I was younger, she's very feminine and girly but really doesn't get into make up or traditional "girly" things like romcoms and gossip and, you know, the things that you hear girls "should" like out of tween magazines, she brawls with the boys and isn't afraid to fight dirty and because she's short that's sometimes all she can do (I'm only about an inch taller than she is) She's very quiet, shy, and respectfull..... if she deems you worthy of that in some way or if you're someone she wants to impress (This is a big reason why convention scenes never worked out for me, I'm very social and outgoing but I was always so worried about impressing other con people that I would just freeze up like a popsicle) Otherwise, if she's comfortable with you in some way, she's pretty brash, headstrong, opinionated, loud, and tempermental, ofcourse she has close freinds who she's very soft and gentle with because that's just how their relationship is, but then she also has freinds who she can freely cuss out at her leisure, I identify with her in alot of ways, in alot of ways- like Ariel- I don't, and alot of things about her are more things that I WANT to be rather than what I AM, but there's more than enough in there to be identifiable

Stiles Stilinski (Teen Wolf)

I was just telling my mom earlier today how the longer the series goes on the more I identify with him, I think (considering these aren't ranked in order) he's definately the fictional charector I identify with most, there are so many shades of him that are just identical to me to the point where I've heard him have conversations that are almost EXACTLY like conversations I've had, he has relationships that are EXACTLY like relationships I've had, it's uncanny, we're both just squishy humans (well... I'll argue magic!Stiles until the day I die but still) who really are pretty powerless in the big scheme of things so when we're on the offensive we use sarcasm and quick tempered insults to defend ourselves, or go charging into something with a weird weapon without thinking totally prepared to stab someone or smack them over the head if we have to (no kidding, last weekend I ran outside with my Rukia sword- a real sword by the way, althouh dull as cutting board- because I was worried about someone who was acting suspiciously in my driveway, but that's a long, personal story I won't be getting into) We're both bookworms who would much rather study the weirdest things imaginable than what we should *actually* study (Stiles had circimcission, I had manga) We both have really short tempers and although we MEAN well we do tend to bite if we're caught at the wrong moment, we're both at the "I'm pretty sure I'm bi but given my lack of romantic experience I'm also kind of timid about everything" stage, we both play fantasy RPGs (although his are probably more like video games and mine are more indie and group RP blogs) we have alot of the same taste in humor and in media, we both love werewolves to quite a startling amount and would 10000% take the werewolf's side of any argument, we're both very twitchy, very verbal, talk ALOT (if you couldn't tell) and have pretty much the exact same anxiety disorder, I have honestly, honestly, never seen my disorder represented as well anywhere as it is in canon with Stiles, I'm really not exaggerating when I say his is identical to mine, we're very creative people, we'll defend our loved ones with more fire and force than is at times warranted, we both have an IMMENSE love for our moms and a.. complicated... relationship with our dads, we both had some really massive trouble in school that came more out of people being unwilling to accept you when you're different than it did out of being dumb or being unwilling to study, a history of teachers hating us, a tendency to form relationships with people and hold on as tightly as we can even when they start hurting us and we should probably let them go, and I'm pretty sure if it ever came up Stiles would have some pretty awesome conspiracy theories (as do I *cough*) I could really just go on and on and on if you laid Stiles down on a map and started giving me push-pins but it's four in the morning and I'm tired

Yuri Katsuki (Yuri On Ice)

Yuri is probably the second best representation I've ever seen of anxiety (and I only rank Stiles first with that because his particular *type* of anxiety is most like my own, Yuri's and mine have some slight differences but are overall extremely close) and it's just such a constant, nagging, part of him, the best way to describe it is something I read in a YOI meta once- "At the beginning of the series he was the best male figure skater in Japan and one of the top six in the world but he defines himself as 'your average, dime a dozen figure skater'", and that's... pretty much the disorder to a T, alot of times I know LOGICALLY that I'm better at something than I think I am, or not as bad as I think I am (I'm 21 and have published 13 books in the last three years, I can't be *that* bad of a writer logically but I still *feel* like I am most of the time) We both end up letting our emotions get the better of us, can be obsessive and perfectionists, we both have a soft spot for music and femininity and LOVE dogs, we both clearly prefer food to anything even remotely sexual and would probably marry food if we could (Yuri has katsudon, I have Ranch dressing, enough said) ... even when it hurts us... (Yuri put on weight, I'm actually allergic to alot of types of Ranch dressing and get pretty freaking sick from it sometimes, but does that stop me? No... my mom does, she stops me) We both have really super supportive mothers who have gone out of their way to gamble on something that most people can't make a career out of because they have faith in us, we're both not *great* with social media, we both are often intimidated by people in our talent feilds who are on level with or better than us, neither of us know what the hell we're doing when it comes to anything romantic or sexual (despite mainly RPing //BDSM threads// I actually have never even come somewhat close to finding eros myself- or anything even remotely romantic) We're both very timid about trying new things and need alot of convincing to do it, and if I didn't have a headache right now I could probably think of more

Misty Day (American Horror Story: Coven)

The animal-loving witch who dances with scarves and worships Stevie Nicks? Yeah, this is me, without a doubt, I love all things eccentric, especially clothes and music, I love Stevie Nicks, my own personal hell would probably, in fact, be identical to Misty's- between my immense love of animals and complete unwillingness to hurt them even if it literally saved my life, my utter HORROR stories related to school, being ruthlessly bullied for being weird, being forced to conform when I just wanted to escape..... yep, that's one personal hell for me, we don't think we're anything special and all we really want is to find a place to fit in where we can be who we are without having to conform to anything, neither of us even WANT to be some kind of big supreme thing, we just want to chill with our music and scarves and twirl around with our tribes (or wolf packs, whatever) We're both weird and a mix of outgoing and insecure and really just want some peace and quiet, we're both basically witch-hippies and if you think for one second that I wouldn't do to those alligator hunters exactly the same thing Misty did to them then you are terribly wrong because I //so. would.//, we're both kind of naive and airheaded at times and if I ever met Stevie Nics I would 100% faint from it too

Honorable mention: Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) I've always been a Hermione girl but I probably have alot more in common with Luna, we're both so weird and eccentric and have been pushed around and bullied alot for that, we believe in things that other people don't see or believe in, we have our own weird fashion sense and we're more creative and imaginative than we are academically smart, ofcourse, the thing is, I'm a Slytherin ;)

#ooc

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wincestshippingtrash2 · 6 years ago

Text

Cie’s Year-End Wrap-Up 2018

Image copyright Conger Design

I love the above image. Back in the late 1990s, I went to school for one semester for graphic design but dropped out. I didn't know it at the time, but I had untreated type 2 bipolar disorder, OCD, and borderline personality disorder, three exciting co-morbid conditions which happen to feed each other in ways that are just, shall we say, really special. I wouldn't be properly diagnosed until 2004.

When I think of how many years were wasted mired in shame and stigma because I had no idea in this Universe what was going on with me, I thought I was just an attention-seeking fuckup, it makes me very angry. Granted, some of the tools available to me now simply didn't exist when I was younger. E-commerce was in its infancy in the 1990s. There were no smartphones.

Hell, even GPS was still in its infancy. (I still have my TomTom Go.) The job I have today could not have existed in the 1990s. Back when dinosaurs and Ronald Reagan roamed the Earth in 1984, I delivered pizzas. Even the TomTom Go was as yet unheard of. How the hell my dyslexic ass didn't get lost more often, I'll never know. When I think of trying to do my job without Waze, it gives me that feeling of waking up with a start after a terrible dream and praising whatever powers there might be that the dream isn't real.

So, I didn't initially come here to talk to you about type 2 bipolar disorder, but now that I've thought about it, I want to talk about it. This is how people tend to think of bipolar disorder, and it's a reasonably accurate depiction of type 1 bipolar disorder.

Image Source

The post that the image comes from is worth reading.

The late Patty Duke had type 1 bipolar disorder. She is a personal heroine of mine. Her book, Call Me Anna, helped me understand better the things that I had gone through and to help me forgive myself for some of the truly awful decisions I made while hypomanic.

Being diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder helped me understand why I had seen some features of bipolar disorder in myself but was convinced that I didn't have it because I'd never experienced a full mania. I tended to go from crushingly depressed to positive and overly functional. I never flew off to Vegas and got married to a guy I barely knew or anything of that nature, although I did convince myself several times that the Universe wanted me to be with guys who raised red flags like nobody's business and who, unsurprisingly, turned out to be horrible and abusive.

When I was hypomanic, I would take on second jobs and be the world's greatest employee that everyone loved until everything came crashing down and everyone ended up thinking I was the world's biggest flake and fuckup. I would be mired in depression which felt like being at the bottom of a dark pit that there was no way out of.

When I would finally, miraculously, find myself pulled out of that pit, I would admonish myself that from now on I would be positive and productive and would never go back THERE again. When I inevitably went back there again, I would shame and berate myself for being a worthless fuckup.

Click to enlarge.

This is a fairly standard bipolar disorder screening questionnaire. It tends to miss people with type 2 bipolar disorder.

Was there ever a period of time when I wasn't myself? No. I was always myself, although I often didn't like it very much.

The late Peter Steele of Type O Negative, who had type 1 bipolar disorder, describes reflecting on occasions following a manic episode where he felt that there was something he could have learned from the time in question if only he could remember it. I never experienced anything like that.

I've never presented as talking extremely fast or seeming particularly hyper. I've never slept well anyway, so the "sleeping less than usual" criteria didn't send up any red flags. The late Julia Lennon described having periods where she wouldn't sleep for a week at a time, and doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. She was institutionalized on several occasions.

I did get involved in ill-advised relationships with abusive guys, but I never flew off to Vegas to do so. I took on multiple jobs and then crashed, often losing all of my jobs. When I was good, I was very very good, and when I was bad I was nonfunctional.

I speak openly about my mental health struggles because I would be very happy if no-one else ever had to fight the way I've had to fight. I've been told that I should keep my psych problems hidden because people would avoid me if they knew I was one of THEM. I was told I would never find a job if people knew I'd been to a therapist.

I was also told that I was "just being dramatic," that I needed to "stop seeking attention," that I was "just being lazy," and that I brought all my problems on myself with my "negative thinking." I can tell you that none of these criticisms did a damn thing to help me improve my life or to do anything except hide my problems and hate myself because I was never able to develop any decent coping skills for dealing with them until I was in my middle years. At this point, I'm still cleaning up the messes made by attempting to hide my problems, such as a storage unit full of stuff and a mountain of debt.

We've come a long way when it comes to mental illness in Western society, but we haven't come far enough. There is still a tendency to see people with mental issues as less intelligent or less capable or as loose cannons just waiting to explode and harm others. The truth is, people who live with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than to perpetrate violence.

There is a tendency to see jobs such as mine as "lesser" and to believe that the working poor, unemployed, and homeless "deserve" to not have basic amenities or a living wage. This needs to end. Everybody deserves the basic amenities, whether or not they are capable of working a "normal" job or at all.

I heard the term "lazy" so many times that I ended up with a terrible complex about taking breaks or doing things that are purely enjoyable and will never turn a profit. I once read a statement from a counselor which said that the term "lazy" should be replaced with "demotivated," because asking a person why they are so lazy shuts down the conversation and thus any chance of helping the person, whereas asking them why they are feeling demotivated leaves the conversation open and may help create a plan for helping them.

Exploitative shows like "Hoarders" should not exist. Like, at all. Capitalizing on people's illness for entertainment is twisted and barbaric. Hoarding is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is the symptom of malfunction in a certain area of the brain. It is not "laziness." Dealing with hoarding tendencies is exhausting, time-consuming, and life-destroying. People with hoarding tendencies need help from a compassionate professional, not a bunch of lookie-loos seeking schadenfreude at another's expense.

My son is helping me deal with the lifetime of hoarding without help contained in my storage units and the closets and spare rooms of the mobile home that I hope to have in a condition where I can think about selling it by the end of next year. With his help, the storage unit, which is about the size of a one-car garage, is 1/3 of the way clear at this point, and we are hoping to have it entirely clear by June of 2019.

My late father attempted to "help with cleaning," but his help really only traumatized me and made me feel more ashamed, which didn't lead to me keeping up with the process. My son is understanding when I tell him that I can't deal with a certain item at the moment and we'll need to put it aside. We move on to the next thing. He also suggests creating scrapbooks and art from my vast collection of images from magazines, unlike my father, who told me that "anything that lands on the floor needs to be thrown in the garbage."

My father had piles of papers and magazines all over his house. He had OCD with hoarding tendencies too, but he came from an era when one locked their mental health issues in an attic and never spoke of them. This helped nothing, which is why I have come out of the attic and am speaking openly about my struggles.

For years I refused to make New Year's resolutions because I had learned to equate them with "new you in 52" crap, which really benefits no-one but the billion-dollar diet industry. I refuse to have or promote weight loss as a "health goal."

I spent 33 years in yo-yo dieting hell trying to hate myself thin. There is no way I'm going to endorse that behavior. I'm going batshit at this point with all the blogs in my sidebar promoting "get paid to lose weight" garbage. You'll never see me promoting these things because dieting inevitably fails for everyone but statistical unicorns.

Diets don't work. Health at Every Size works. If you want to start exercising, increase the amount you're exercising, or eat fewer processed foods, great, but do it for overall health, not for weight loss.

We'll all be a "new you in 52" anyway. We'll have new experiences behind us, and many of our cells will have been replaced by new ones. Don't buy into the "new you in 52" crap. It only leads to frustration. Instead, pursue things that will lead to a more authentic you.

Your authentic you has nothing to do with a number on the scale or even the amount of money in your bank account. It is the you who is true to themselves, which has nothing to do with looks or status at all.

Best wishes in the coming year,

Cie

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#creative and mentally ill #cie's soapbox #diets don't work #cie's personal crap #living with mental illness

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netherworldwritersguild · 6 years ago

Text

Cie's Year-End Wrap-Up 2018

Image copyright Conger Design

Image Source

The post that the image comes from is worth reading.

Click to enlarge.

This is a fairly standard bipolar disorder screening questionnaire. It tends to miss people with type 2 bipolar disorder.

Was there ever a period of time when I wasn't myself? No. I was always myself, although I often didn't like it very much.

Best wishes in the coming year,

Cie

#creative and mentally ill #cie's soapbox #cie's personal crap #bipolar 2 #hoarding disorder

0 notes